That's right - 10k.

I'm going to leave this thread open for a while, but the funniest joke posted here gets 10,000 dp.

Here's my favourite:

A duck walks into a pharmacy - he says 'I'll have a lipstick please.'

'Just put it on my bill.'

You can do better surely! I'll announce when the competition will be over one week before. You can post multiple jokes - the funniest one wins!

EDIT 9th August

I'm going to show all the jokes to two other people and we'll decide which is the funniest (not PMOG players - just friends) so it won't be just me who decides. After all, who is to say what's funny?

Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, I know a great Aggie joke. You want to hear it?" The bartender says, "Well, before you tell it I should probably tell you that I went to A&M. And you see those two big guys sitting next to you -- they were linebackers for the A&M football team. And those two guys on your other side -- they're Marines, and they used to be in the Corps of Cadets at A&M. Now, are you sure you really want to tell that Aggie joke?"

The guy thinks for a second. "I guess not," he said. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

(Aggies jokes are like blond jokes in Texas)

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillowcases? They're making headlines everywhere!

Hehe - I like that one uselessness!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Elementary my dear Watson, Somebody stole our tent."

Hasn't this been voted the best joke of all time?

I pronounce myself the winner;

A physics professor and his assistant were working on a liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden the assistant asks "Wait, professor, what if the salycilic acids don't accept the hydroxyl ions?" and the professor responds "That's no hydroxyl ions, that's my wife!"

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

I've got a ton! Heehee

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Prize to Grindelwald for the russians using a pencil.

That joke cracked me up! Simple thinking always winz, complicating things makes epic failz. :]

GKM wins for using a joke from Dexter's Lab. I'll try to think of some more but here's one for now:

A man walks into a bar with a small lizard on his shoulder. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender, being a pretty friendly guy goes, "Well, I can't help but notice you've got a pretty nice looking pet there. Does he have a name?"

The man responds, "Yeah, I call him Tiny! I just got him a few days ago."

The bartender, confused asks, "Wait, why do you call him 'Tiny'?"

The man smiles and says, "Why, because he's my newt!"
--
It loses a little bit when it's not said aloud ;P

Descartes is sitting in a bar with a few of his friends having some drinks. It's starting to get late, and he has to go into work tomorrow. When his friends start to bug him about hanging around for one more beer, he has to shrug them off. "Sorry guys, I think not. I ha--"

--
I'll post one more just in the hopes sylverling shows up again.

What's the definition of a minor second? Two violists playing in unison!

@chetyre That Descartes one was great! Hahahaha!!

So all the vowels were out for a night in the town. "u" was getting trashed like the drunk skank she was and "i" was being selfish and looking for trouble. "a" noticed "e" was hanging back and shouted: "Come on man, integrate yourself!"

"e" looked despondent and said: "it won't change anything if I do".

What's brown and sticky?

A STICK :)

I love Pmog's sense of humor.

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

Badump-bump! Krash!

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?

"Here come the elephants over the hill."

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?

Nothing; he didn't recognize them.

What is brown and sticky?

A stick!

*grins at chetyre*

how do you get two flutes to play in tune? shoot one.
how do you get three flutes to play in tune? shoot two!

what separates the violas from the apes? the second violins!

man, i got a ton of musician jokes.